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Mort Goldman
Mortimer "Mort" Goldman is a stereotypical Jewish man, who lives on Spooner Street. He is the owner of Goldman's Pharmacy, the widowed husband of Muriel Goldman, and the father of Neil Goldman. He serves as a recurring character in Family Guy, and first appeared in "The Kiss Seen Around the World". Biography In "Mr. Saturday Knight", he was a guest speaker at Career Day at Buddy Cianci Junior High School. He later joined the renaissance fair in an attempt to overcome his fear of swords. He tells Peter Griffin that he was stabbed in the ear by a man in a pirate suit when he was five years old, and again when he was 30. He also yelled out that he miscarried. In "Stuck Together, Torn Apart", it is revealed that Mort and Muriel watch movies to "Hotel California" and that his niece is Jennifer Love Hewitt. He once bowled a perfect game in "Blind Ambition", in a rather unorthodox way by rolling the ball extremely slowly down the lane. Lois has her photo shoot pictures developed at Goldman's Pharmacy in "Model Misbehavior", and then poses for a series of fliers to advertise the pharmacy. It is also shown that Mort hates the presence of Greased Up Deaf Guy in his store. In "Brian the Bachelor", to ensure that Lois could not purchase acne medication to clear up his zit, Doug, Chris, under Doug's influence, broke into Goldman's Pharmacy and destroyed all the acne medication. He sang "The Morning After" at karaoke night in The Drunken Clam in "Don't Make Me Over". In "Long John Peter", his pharmacy was damaged by Peter and his pirate crew, who made sure that the rack of cheap pharmacy toys was blasted. In "No Meals on Wheels", he is afraid of Peter's "scarejew" made in the likeness of Adolf Hitler and exclaims that Jon Stewart needs to be saved. In "April in Quahog", Mort is visited by Jesus during the apocalypse, and is told he's going to Hell. In "Road to Germany", Mort's grandparents, Hiam and Sarah Goldman and other relatives are revealed to live in Warsaw, Poland meaning that Mort is at least part Polish. Because of Stewie's time machine, he was able to witness his grandparents' wedding, initially believing he was in heaven. He also interrupts the customary musical number in "Road to..." episodes, "Whenever", before it could even start. In "Family Gay", Peter tries to get rid of his dead retarded horse 'Til Death by throwing it through the window of Mort's pharmacy. Mort returns the horse in the same fashion. Mort plays a Jawa in "Blue Harvest" and Lando Calrissian in both "Something, Something, Something, Dark Side" and "It's A Trap!". While the character gains Goldman's mannerisms, Goldman gains Calrissian's skin color. In "Road to the Multiverse", when Brian and Stewie visit a Disney universe, Mort comes in to greet his neighbors, who beat him up for being Jewish, prompting Stewie and Brian to leave. In "And Then There Were Fewer", Mort and Muriel are invited to James Woods's mansion, where Muriel is murdered by Diane Simmons, making Mort a widower as well as leaving Neil motherless. Mort appears in the show's intro starting with "And I'm Joyce Kinney". This would continue until "He's Bla-ack!", in which Mort is replaced by Cleveland Brown. In "Tiegs for Two", he attends Quagmire's class on how to pick up women. In "Thanksgiving With The Griffins", he appears in a cutaway where Peter fakes his death. After Muriel's death, Mort finds himself in financial trouble in "Burning Down the Bayit", as he isn't able to cheat the customers the way she could. With Peter and Quagmire, they plot to burn down the pharmacy to collect the insurance. But Peter slips up and Joe arrests them, only to let them free when they bring back memories of how an insurance company screwed Joe after his paralyzing accident. Mort is also shown to have a relative who is a lawyer that looks just like him. Peter names a star after Mort in "Killer Queen". Mort wishes he had just given him the money instead. In "Mr. and Mrs. Stewie", Stewie plants a bomb in Mort's wallet set to go off when he opens it. After two weeks, Stewie plants another bomb that goes off when Mort burps in his hands, which he does. After the explosion, Mort checks his wallet to see if it's ok and the second bomb explodes. Mort recovers and reopens the pharmacy in "Tea Peter". When Mort sees a mob coming for Peter in "Ratings Guy", he panics and flees for the safety of the Quahog National Bank by using a Menorah as a jet pack. Mort appears in the special opening of "Valentine's Day in Quahog". Mort's parents, Mr. Goldman and Mrs. Goldman, appear for the first time in "Save the Clam". Mort appears briefly in "Life of Brian", where he takes the hockey net Stewie threw away, intending to give it to Neil as a birthday present. Mort reveals he was a record mogul in the 1970s at Mort Town Records in "In Harmony's Way", managing such groups as Earth, Wind, Fire and Pollen until allergies and an olive addiction forced him out of the music business until he temporarily becomes Peter and Quagmire's manager. Peter and the guys travel to Jerusalem in search of God, only to discover everyone there is just like Mort, in "3 Acts of God". Quagmire crank-calls Mort in "Baby Got Black" and convinces him he is Muriel, having faked her own death. In "The Simpsons Guy", in the courtroom scene, he is seated next to fellow Jew Krusty the Clown. Neil and Chris trick Sean Penn into dressing up just like his dad in "Once Bitten". He appears dressed as Jerome in "A Lot Going On Upstairs", when Brian tries to fool Stewie by dressing the family and neighbors as each other. When Peter tries to come up with people who could go on Quagmire's camping trip other than himself in "No Giggity, No Doubt", he summons everyone from Family Guy, American Dad! and The Cleveland Show. He finds this also includes the ghosts of Angela and Mayor Adam West. But when Muriel's ghost appears, Mayor West shoves her aside. Personality Mort's defining characteristics are stereotypically Jewish, such as his whiny neuroticism, his chronic hypochondria, his wimpy attitude and his general gawkiness. Mort has terrible social skills, frequently discussing his various maladies and childhood bullying in otherwise polite conversation. Mort doesn't mind revealing details about his customers' personal health problems; for example, in "Mr. Saturday Knight", he went into the details about a man with hemorrhoids, telling the man's daughter and her classroom that they were like stinking little balloons and that they stung him so bad that he had to apply the lotion in his car with a sock. Episode Appearances *The Kiss Seen Around the World *Love is in the Air *Neighbor Pains *Abstinent Minded *Ready, Willing, and Disabled *Schoolhouse of Rock *Blind Ambition *Mr. Saturday Knight *A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas *Model Misbehavior *When You Wish Upon a Weinstein *Family Guy Viewer Mail #1 *Don't Make Me Over *Stuck Together, Torn Apart *Brian the Bachelor *Petarded *8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter *Hell Comes to Quahog *Petergeist *Barely Legal *Long John Peter *Road to Rupert *Not All Dogs Go to Heaven (Cameo) *Family Gay *The Juice is Loose *You May Now Kiss the Uh ... Guy Who Receives *Peter's Daughter (Mentioned) *Dog Gone *Ocean's Three and a Half (Cameo) *No Meals On Wheels *Blue Harvest (Star Wars Version) *Peterotica *Padre de Familia (Mentioned) *Stewie Kills Lois *Road to the Multiverse (Disney Version) *Family Goy *April in Quahog *Peter-Assment *Spies Reminiscent of Us (Voice Only) *Go, Stewie, Go! *Something, Something, Something, Dark Side (Star Wars Version) *Dial Meg for Murder *Ratings Guy (Cameo) *And Then There Were Fewer *Lottery Fever *Baby, You Knock Me Out *New Kidney in Town (Mentioned) *Trading Places *The Mortician *Halloween on Spooner Street *Teigs for Two *Thanks But No Thanksgiving *Road to Germany *Holly Jolly Folly *Save the Clam *Call Girl *Tom Tucker: A Man and His Dream *It's a Trap! (Star Wars Version) *Finders Keepers *Mr. and Mrs. Stewie *Screams of Silence: Story of Brenda Q. (Mentioned) *Total Recall *Killer Queen *Burning Down the Bayit *Quagmire and Meg *Thanksgiving With The Griffins *Business Guy *Internal Affairs *Tea Peter *Road to the North Pole (Cameo) *Lois Comes Out of Her Shell *12 and a Half Angry Men *Valentine's Day in Quahog *Yug Ylimaf *Life of Brian *A Filler in Need *Baby Got Black *Grimm Job (Fairytale Version) *He's Bla-ack! *3 Acts of God *Into Harmony's Way *Hot Pocket-Dial *Candy Quahog Marshmallow! (Cameo) *Herpe the Love Sore *Underage Peter *Once Bitten *Baking Bad *Quagmire's Mom *The Simpsons Guy (Cameo) *Game Guy Advance *A Shot in the Dark *An App a Day (Mentioned) *Kicking Arse *Roasted Guy (Cameo) *Baking Bad *Chris Has Got a Date, Date, Date, Date, Date *Jesus, Mary, and Joseph (Biblical Version) *A Lot Going on Upstairs (Dream Version) *Saturated Fat Guy *House in Horror Hell *The Dating Game *Nanny Goats (Voice Only) *Follow the Money *Peter Gets Fired (Alternate Version) *The Quagmire Housefire *Winter is Dumbing *Brian Come Home for Christmas *The Unkindest Cut *Mort Almighty *My Wife is Your Wife *Green With Envy *Family Guy Through the Years (1960's Version) *Regarding Carter *No Giggity, No Doubt (Non-Speaking Cameo) Trivia *Mort takes on the characteristics of Sol Rosenberg, a character of The Jerky Boys created by Johnny Brennan in the late 1980s. Category:Characters Category:Major Characters Category:Recurring Characters Category:Spooner Street Neighbors Category:Residents of Quahog Category:Jews Category:Fathers Category:Abuse Victims Category:Drunken Clam Friend Circle Category:Widowed Category:Goldman Family Category:Criminals Category:Middle Class Citizens Category:Redheads Category:Generation X Category:Doctors Category:Gold Collar Workers